So I've been a reading a lot of books lately. A lot of the need to read these books stems from this deep down desire to work on my relationship with God, and work on the man that I want to be for God.
I feel that for the past several years, I have been putting up this front that I have my act together for the most part in my walk with God. Doing youth group, helping lead worship, teaching Sunday school, etc. I feel fed by all these things, and God has used these ministries to build my relationship with people around me, and to begin to build my relationship with Him. But now, I feel like God is calling me to specifically develop my relationship with Him. I want so badly to feel the closeness to God that I see in other people. Check out this story i heard from a pastor named Francis Chan:
In one of his sermons, Francis Chan talks about his grandma who had recently passed away. The thing that made her so amazing was her intimate walk with Jesus. She loved Jesus with a passion that was so great that she daily looked forward to when He would return and carry her home. She had this corner of her room by her bed where she spent time praying, and all she needed to do was look at this spot in her room, and she would start crying because of how special that time she spent with Christ was. Francis talked about this particular time when he and the family went out to see a play, and his grandma was with them. Partway through the play, she looked very uncomfortable and asked if they could leave. When Francis asked her if she was okay, she talked about how she longed for Jesus to return and find her doing something for Him. She didn't want him to return and find her just sitting and watching a play.
I know that sounds extreme. But why? I think the disciples felt the same way in the years after Jesus was taken up into Heaven. These guys afterall had spent time actually walking with Jesus and learning from Him. Of course they longed to be with him again and maintain the relationship they had with Him. In the past couple years, I have begun to learn about what it means to have a relationship with Christ beyond simply gathering at church once or twice a week and singing songs to Him. I want to feel a closeness with Christ to the extent that I don't feel afraid when things go wrong. My faith in His presence and guidance will reassure me that I have nothing to fear. I also want to feel close to Christ to the extent that service is not a burden or obligation. There are times when I feel like God is calling me to do something, and I do a quick check in my schedule to make sure this doesn't conflict with something I have planned. Or I'll really struggle with deciding whether I want to do this thing God is calling me to do, but I can make other decisions with little to no effort.
You know how when you're in love, or when you really love to do something, it is suddenly not a burden at all to serve that person, or to do that activity? I have friends who have told me that they love their wives or fiancees so much that they don't even have to think twice when she asks them to do something. Taking that special someone out to dinner or doing things for that person is a joy! My friends love to make their wives happy, and that's all the reason they need to serve them. I look forward to the day when I have the privilege of serving my wife and doing things for her because she feels loved and it makes her happy. The same should be with serving God. God, who gave us everything, and sent His own son to die on the cross and pay the price for our brokenness, has proven His love for us beyond any doubt. The natural response to that kind of love is love. I want to be so in awe of God and so in love with Him that serving Him is a pleasure and a joy. I want to write more on this later.
